(And how her romantic life is a perfect demonstration of it — 4 minutes read)
“What’s your take on Polarity?” an influencer I follow asked on a social media post.
The screen shots posted are her response in the thread.
He was trying to educate the masses on how Polarity teachings
are more than just about the “masculine” and “feminine” (and I agree).
As soon as I read her response, I became curious.
Being someone who loves to nerd out on human behavior,
I’ve noticed that you can learn a LOT about a person’s character
simply by the way they REACT. I just posted a question to my
audience about the “Hawk Tua” meme, and people’s reactions were
quite telling — (and I’ll share those insights in an upcoming piece).
Our reactions (playful vs hostile) reveal the “painbody” that lies underneath.
Uncomfortable truth time:
ANY TIME THERE IS REACTIVITY, THERE IS A WOUND.
There was a great deal of truth to her comment that I can get behind.
Yes, men are wise to do their healing work
if they are to create harmony in their world,
and the world would be a much better place
if more men stepped up to heal their attachment wounds,
and transcend their need for approval,
and to be more mission-driven rather than putting sexuality on such a pedestal.
Who would disagree with that?
God knows how much I have suffered and caused suffering to the women I used to be with because I hadn’t healed with my younger parts, and as a result, showed up as the immature masculine.
It’s why my Karma is now my Dharma.
My mess is my message.
But I detected a few blind spots I’m going to share with you
so that you don’t catch yourself spinning a one sided narrative
that’s filled with half-truths — keeping you convinced
the problem is “out there” in relational dynamics.
Polarity gets a bad rap only to those misrepresenting the goal of Polarity.
Polarity is about Energy.
Magnetism.
Think of a (masculine) plug,
inserting into a (feminine) socket.
What do you get?
Electricity.
Physics intermingled with Biology and Chemistry.
It’s why you’re here.
It’s what we deeply crave in our intimate relationship.
It’s time we stop pretending that we don’t.
If you’re suffering from a breakdown in your relationship,
and you’re repelled by one another —
that’s a polarity issue you’re experiencing.
Reading this woman’s comment — I could sense her wounding,
as I’ve worked with folks stuck in the one sided narrative before
that abandons our deeply held instinctual needs and desires
in the name of conditioning from social and political movements.
Most of the time I see someone who is stuck in this narrative
has the same thing in common:
Victimhood identity, paralyzed from the ability to INSPIRE devotional leadership from a man because of her persistent complaints about men.
(I see the same thing with men stuck in victimhood about narcissistic women who have hurt and abused them too).
I’m not gaslighting their pain, either.
It’s real and it’s valid.
But energetically — It’s as revolting as hearing a man, stuck in his
wounding, constantly painting EVERY woman with the same brush:
“Women are manipulative gold diggers” — even if that was his experience.
Those beliefs that come from unresolved wounding —
will only have him experience more of the same,
as his biases will be confirmed.
The right woman who’s genuine and sincere will want no part of a man who’s stuck in his victim story.
Which unfortunately — only validates his victim story further.
There’s no way out — as he’s waiting for a woman to prove his theory wrong.
And that day never comes because his energy of emasculation will
push away the type of woman he so desperately wants,
and there he remains thinking he is “unlucky in love”.
And the key is already sitting there — hidden in his own pocket:
Mastering the nuanced dance of Integrated and Empowered Polarity.
In the same vein, healthy masculine men aren’t attracted to that type
of entitled controlling energy from a woman.
A mature and healthy masculine man is a provider.
He NEEDS to help.
He NEEDS to be of service to a woman who gratefully receives him.
If ANY HUMAN BEING’S instinctual needs aren’t being met —
in increases the likelihood of us going and getting those needs met ELSEWHERE.
Which confirms and validates the narrative,
and she feels disillusionment and bitterness,
traits that are repellant for a healthy man to want to commit to (and vice versa).
The infinite loop of doom.
And it doesn’t have to be that way.
Being the curious researcher I am,
I needed to see how her resistance to living according to instinctual laws of biology and physics were impacting her love life.
I took a chance and I asked her if she felt comfortable
sharing with me her relationship status.
She was gracious enough to share.
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And there it was. The unfortunate common story in
most “should I stay or go” dynamics:
It’s not the PERSON that was abandoned:
The POLARITY was.
In the last 2 years of studying Polarity and integrating
it into my marriage with an enthusiastically willing wife who is by NO
MEANS a doormat, and now teaching it to others — it’s often I see the
same thing:
Those who need Polarity the MOST are the most resistant.
They see it as a prison rather than a playground that can
be implemented OUTSIDE of the bedroom (as well).
Not just BDSM, but a conscious way of relating.
This woman, a therapist herself — has all the symptoms
of a marriage that lacks polarity.And she disagrees with the
concept because she doesn’t get the nuance of it, at the expense of
her relationship and family.
And no, it’s not her fault.
Blame society.
Blame the Patriarchy.
I don’t really care.
Just don’t blame men and women.
Her blind spot is that if she dropped her assumptions,
healed her wounding that has her stuck in victim consciousness,
(getting a licence to practice therapy doesn’t give you that,
unfortunately) and she mastered and practiced the nuance of
INTEGRATED polarity, her Self Worth would rise — and she would
become so radiant that either he would be inspired to go “all in” with
her, or she would move on — rather than wait for him to “choose her,” bitter and angry every time her husband goes out on weekends to get his needs met.
I don’t have to imagine what would happen if she were to get curious
instead, and see what Integrated Polarity ACTUALLY is,
with an open mind.
I get to see the impact of the marriages in the people I work with.
From sexless for hundreds of days — to having sex again.
Polarity to me — is the Spiritual Practice of choosing oneself,
because instead of trying to live up to societal conditioning
born from the advent of radical feminism, I’m abandoning political correctness and living according to instinctual laws of my nature — and
giving myself unapologetic permission to do so.
It’s not about suppressing women — it’s about SERVING women.
Providing and protecting women.
It’s about breaking free from the conditioned fawn response,
and leaning in to the difficult task of communicating
responsibly, without judgment and blame.
It’s about refining our containment boundaries
so that we can respect and honor instinctual drives in the opposite sex
and each other — and consciously choosing to live according to them.
Willingly.
Dare I say — Enthusiastically.
By choice.
That’s what empowered, Integrated Polarity gives two people:
Secure love that’s magnetic.
Connection.
A fun and playful dance (both in AND out of the bedroom).
Purpose.
Respect (for the masculine).
A sense of feeling of respect — through being cherished and chosen (for the feminine).
All by shifting our energy and communication?
YES PLEASE.
50 Shades of grey didn’t sell 90+ million copies by “accident”.
There was something inherently irresistible about it for women.
Go ahead and resist with the concept of Polarity all you want.
Gravity doesn’t care if you believe in it.
IT JUST IS.
Deep down in parts of us we might not want to admit,
we all crave it instinctually.
Why not learn how to dance with it?
Your relationship will be a reflection of what you believe about it.
If you’ve been waiting for a permission slip from “Daddy” to learn it,
Well here it is.
Your wingman on this crazy adventure,
Nima
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P.S. If you’re ready to learn how to bring the conversation of Somatic Embodiment, Intergenerational Trauma and Polarity together into one training that will teach you the fundamentals so that you can immediately shift your communication, energy and magnetism in your dating and relationships, I have a never-done-before training I’m offering to my Cyclebreakers Academy, and I’m opening spots for those who care enough to show up LIVE on July 12th from 4–7pm PST (7–10pm EST).
That’s 9am-noon on Saturday July 13th Sydney time.
You’ll be taken through somatic embodiment practices
that help you FEEL the difference between the two polarities, and be given role-playing demonstrations of the 2 most common complaints and arguments in the Anxious (Preoccupied)and Avoidant (Dismissive) negative cycle, and you’ll learn EXACTLY how to break that cycle using Integrated polarity so that you can repair from ruptures with greater ease and flow, and bring magnetism instead of repulsion.
This event is NOT for everyone.
It’s for people who GENUINELY give themselves permission
to have their instinctual needs met:
Men: To be respected, admired, and lead with love and devotion
Women: To be contained with care and devotion,
and want to FOCUS ON THEIR OWN SIDE OF THE STREET
in order to help get their needs met.
No replays.
Learn how to Break the exhausting Infinite Loop of Conflict and create harmony HERE.
