The “Why” Behind Failed Relationships

Dive into Nima’s collection of transformative resources—designed to help you understand your patterns, regulate your nervous system, and show up differently in your relationships and leadership.

Written By: SaimaVA1

I just spoke with someone on an intuitive blind spot session

who’s story may sound familiar to yours.

See if this resonates:

You’ve read the books.
Done the therapy.

Maybe even attended workshops.

Yet here you are —

still feeling that familiar ache in your chest
when your partner pulls away.

Still hearing that voice in your head:

“What’s wrong with me?”

Let me tell you a story about Dan.

Dan is successful. Self-employed.
Intelligent. A devoted father.

From the outside, he has it all.

But for years, he’s been trapped in what I call
“the infinite loop of doom” with his wife:

He reaches for connection.
She pulls away.

He feels rejected, abandoned.

Reaches harder.

She retreats further.

He becomes more desperate.

Around and around they go.

Sound familiar?

Here’s what no therapist had told him:

The problem isn’t your relationship skills.

It’s not about communication techniques or love languages.

The problem is that when you get triggered,

you’re not even in the room.

Your adult self checks out.

And suddenly, your partner isn’t dealing with you —

they’re dealing with your wounded 6-year-old self
who’s desperately seeking validation.

(Not exactly the energy that inspires turn-on or connection.)

This is why talk therapy often doesn’t work
for most relationship issues.

You can understand your patterns perfectly.

You can identify your triggers.

But in that heated moment, knowledge disappears.

Techniques fail.

And you’re left reacting from your wounded parts —

the very parts of yourself you abandoned long ago.

Dan thought his issues began in 2021
when his wife developed a momentary friendship
with another man— that didn’t even go beyond a party.

But that incident merely activated
wounds that had been dormant for decades.

I asked Dan a simple question on the blind-spot session:

“What would need to change within YOU
to create the relationship you want?”

His answer was telling:
“I’d have to become a different person.”

He’s right.

But not in the way he thinks.

You don’t need to become someone else.

You need to reclaim the parts of yourself you abandoned in childhood,

so you can show up as an authentically confident you.

Why do we abandon parts of ourselves?

Simple: As children,
our survival depends on connection with our caregivers.

If maintaining that connection means abandoning parts of ourselves —

our needs, emotions, desires —
we’ll do it.

Later, these abandoned parts
resurface in our adult relationships,

desperately seeking the validation they never received.

That’s your anxious attachment in a nutshell.

You’re not needy.

You’re not too much.

You’re simply carrying wounded parts that need your attention.

And your relationship is designed to bring these parts to the surface.

That’s its purpose.

Not to make you happy.

Not to fulfill you.

But to show you exactly what you need to heal.

This is why the conventional approach fails:

Therapy gives you insights —
but doesn’t teach you what to do when you’re triggered
Communication techniques —
fall apart the moment your nervous system goes into fight/flight
Trying to change your partner —
keeps you powerless and stuck in victim mode

The way out of the loop isn’t through more understanding.

It’s through what’s called “integration.”

It’s through learning to:

Expand the space between stimulus and response
Reclaim your adult self when triggered
Recognize and care for your abandoned parts
Communicate from wholeness, not woundedness

When you heal the root of your abandonment wound,
everything changes.

You stop seeking external validation.

You start trusting yourself.

You become magnetic rather than needy.

And most importantly:

You break the infinite loop of doom.

Your relationship becomes a source of growth, not pain.

A sanctuary, not a battlefield.

And most importantly, you become magnetic.

You won’t have to guilt anyone or whine

to get them to spend time with you.

When I shared this with Dan,

I could see the recognition in his eyes.

He’d spent years in therapy, gathering INFORMATION,
talking about his patterns.

He’d read countless books on attachment.

He’d tried everything to “fix” his marriage.

But he’d never addressed the root cause:

the parts of himself he’d abandoned long ago.

Until you reclaim these parts,

you’ll continue to project them onto your partner.

You’ll continue to seek externally what can only be found within.

You’ll continue to cycle through the same painful patterns,

wondering why nothing changes.

If this sounds like you,

the only question you will need to ask is,

“am I ready to break the cycle that didn’t start with me?”

It’s true — it didn’t start with you.

But it can end with you.

You got this.

Your wingman on the adventure,

Nima

(I stand for healed families)

P.S. If this message struck a chord,

and you’re tired of the endless cycle
of hope and disappointment in your relationships,

I’m offering a limited number of Blind Spot Sessions
(valued at $497) for those who are truly ready to transform.

This isn’t therapy.

It’s not about rehashing your past or learning more techniques.

It’s about identifying the precise blind spots
keeping you trapped in the loop of doom.

This is for FREE for the right person.

To be considered, reply with:

Your backstory (relationship patterns, key challenges)
What you’ve already tried that hasn’t worked
What you hope to achieve through this work

Finish with: “Nima, can I please get a link to your private calendar?”

Only reply if you’re ready to look in the mirror, not the magnifying glass.

The truth will set you free, but first, it might piss you off.

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The “Why” Behind Failed Relationships

Written By: SaimaVA1

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