There’s a particular kind of heartache that often accompanies success.
The professional world responds
to capability and drive
with promotions and opportunities.
The financial world rewards strategic thinking
with stability and growth.
The social world offers respect and admiration
for accomplishment.
And yet…
In the realm of intimate relationships,
these same qualities often seem to lead nowhere but disappointment.
(I know this might sound like mansplaining for a moment,
but hear me out โ
what follows comes from 20 years of clinical observation,
not personal opinion.)
Many brilliant, accomplished women find themselves thinking:
“If only he would change THIS ONE THING,
everything would work.”
“Why do my relationships keep following
the same frustrating pattern?”
“How can someone manage complex projects/clients/teams,
yet struggle with something as fundamental as connection?”
After two decades working with the nervous system,
a pattern has emerged:
This struggle isn’t about personal failure or poor choices.
It’s not even about the specific men involved.
It’s about an invisible pattern installed in most women,
long before conscious awareness even formed.
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ป:
Here’s what often happens beneath awareness:
Many successful women find themselves
drawn to partners they can’t fully approve of.
Not because disappointment is pleasant (it isn’t).
But because the nervous system has equated
“safety” with “๐บ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐น.”
Consider how this plays out:
Withholding full approval of him
maintains a protective power dynamic.
Finding flaws creates a buffer zone
that shields true vulnerability.
Focusing on fixing someone else
provides a distraction from the terrifying experience
of being ๐ณ๐๐น๐น๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ป.
This isn’t a conscious strategy.
It’s a brilliant adaptation by a nervous system
that learned early how to survive emotional terrain.
And here’s the cruel irony:
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐๐น๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ณ๐๐น ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฎ๐ป โ
๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ป๐ด๐๐ต ๐๐ผ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐น๐ฒ ๐ต๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ โ
๐ง๐๐ง๐๐ก๐ฎ ๐๐๐๐จ๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ง๐ค๐ซ๐๐ก.
(And ironically, these women wouldn’t fully respect partners who did).
This creates a challenging cycle:
Attracting partners who need fixing โ
Withholding approval โ Feeling unsatisfied โ
Blaming them โ Repeat.
All while some deeper part of them yearns for a connection
that allows true surrender.
Where it all begins:
These strategies develop for good reason.
In childhood, many accomplished women experienced:
- Early lessons that depending on others led to disappointment
- Discovering that self-sufficiency earned praise and safety
- Caregivers who couldn’t fully meet emotional needs, leading to self-reliance
- Lack of safe masculine โcontainmentโ (safe, non-reactive, present, devotional father, who wasnโt a doormat to a narcissistic mother who wore the pants).
Whatever the specifics,
the developing nervous system drew a powerful conclusion:
“๐ฃ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐พ๐๐ถ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐น.”
And for many women,
that program has been faithfully executed ever since.
If you find yourself in this situation,
thereโs an invitation to consider:
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ง๐จ๐ฉ ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ฅ ๐๐จ๐ฃ’๐ฉ ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐ง ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ฉ๐ฃ๐๐ง๐จ.
It’s recognizing how
the nervous system has been providing protection โ
and honoring that intention.
Then, ๐๐ง๐๐๐ช๐๐ก๐ก๐ฎ ๐๐ฃ๐ฉ๐ง๐ค๐๐ช๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ ๐ฃ๐๐ฌ ๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ ๐ค๐ ๐จ๐๐๐๐ฉ๐ฎ.
One where vulnerability becomes strength.
Where pleasure doesn’t require surrendering control.
Where extraordinary competence
becomes a choice rather than a survival necessity.
And there’s a beautiful realization that emerges in this work:
The same determination,
intelligence, and courage that builds professional success
contains everything needed to transform intimate relationships.
It’s never been about failing at love.
๐๐ฉ’๐จ ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐๐๐ค๐ช๐ฉ ๐จ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฉ ๐ฅ๐ง๐ค๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ.
And with a new awareness,
that brilliant energy can redirect toward deeper desires.
What emerges in this work is profound:
The capacity to give and receive love was never broken.
It was simply waiting for permission to exist alongside power.
(It doesnโt have to be an either/or.)
“For the first time,” as one client expressed,
“I discovered I could be both powerful AND soft.
No choosing required.”
This transformation is entirely possible
to those who are willing to learn.
Not because relationships are easy,
but because the skills and strengths already exist
within each person who’s already mastered other challenges.
The path becomes clearer with each step,
and most discover they’re further along than they realized.
Imagine the power that is hidden when
you donโt have to chase, control, or push others to change
so that you can feel satisfied.
Itโs already there within if youโre willing to look.
With deep respect for the journey,
Your wingman on the adventure,
Nima
P.S. If this message resonates,
and youโre curious to explore these patterns more personally,
a limited number of “Trigger-Proof” intuitive Blind-Spot sessions
are available this month (normally $497).
These 30-minute sessions offer:
- Clarity on unconscious energetic patterns affecting relationship dynamics
- Identification of specific nervous system responses creating recurring challenges
- Insight into key shifts that transform relationship possibilities without sacrificing personal power
If this resonates and you want to be considered,
comment or DM with:
1) share your back story and what you’ve explored so farโ what worked and what didnโtโฆ
2) Where youโd love to be by the end of this year.
Simply end your response with “Nima, can I please have your private calendar link?”
This could be a game changer for you.
